Love, Favorite, Love

So sorry about not posting recently! I have a hard time bunching my thoughts into understandable words.

Anyways~ you all need to know something very important. It's that God loves the beenie baby stuffings out of you! (Translation; God loves you a lot.) If you think of the thing you love the most, and multiply that by a million, that's probably close to how he feels. I think that, we go about out lives forgetting this fact. Or, maybe not forgetting, but when we are told, our minds except it as fact. "Oh yea, I know." Our minds know the things we have been told most all our lives. (If you were raised in a Christian home, that is) but, do our hearts 'know'? For me, I believe I always knew. But, I believe it became numb. My image of him was not always loving. It was normally disappointed. "Oh Micaela, why haven't you spent time with me in so long?" I thought he would say while shaking his head and frowning. Or, "Why are you waisting your days? I'm so disappointed. You should be helping the poor." So, normally, I didn't feel the true love of God that he was always poring out over me. I always felt like I had to do something, but he was always wanting to fill me with his love. The first month I was here, around I think week, 2? 3? One of those, we had Holy Spirit week, Amy was teaching. Crazy week. Anyways, before she came to speek, God and I had a conversation. I was getting ready for bed and my mind was wondering into lots of topics, I was talking to God, not really like a prayer, just sharing my thoughts, (that he already knows but adores when we share anyways).

I said, "wait a minute. God, they always say that you came and died for everyone. You love everyone the same. Your feelings for everyone are the same." God was like, "yes darlin, that is true." (He didn't  actually say that I can just see him going along.) "So then, Father, I'm the same as everyone." (In other words, feels like getting lost in the crowd.) "I'm not your favorite. You love me just like you love them. So, of cores you love me. If I were your favorite. (If you loved me like a favorite) then maybe I would feel something when I heard people say he loves me." I had the thought in the back of my head but didn't put it on display or anything. So, a day went by, then we were having a worship
time with Amy. (The first one with her,) I was standing over at the front-ish, leaning agents the wall.
(We had classes and this worship serves in someone's home, so it's in a living room.) so, there were prayers, and crying and singing and falling and music. I had a sweet person pray for me, and gave me a hug, I went back to worship. Then, Rakel, (sp idk) came over to me and said she felt she had a song from God. I thought, "ok. Cool." So she laid her hand on me and started singing. Can you guess the words that she sung? They were "Micaela, I love you. You are beautiful, you are my favorite one, my favorite one." Guess who started crying? Obviously not me! Geez! I don't cry!...no, just kidding, I was a mess. (I also had a cold so that made it worse. Also, it was the first time I cried in a long time.) but she would repeat those words the most. "My favorite one." I was filled with his love and truly, in my heart believed they were real. So, yea. God always sees us through his eyes of love. We are all his favorites. Think of how much stronger the word, "favorite" is? "you are my favorite." (for me at least) so yea, never forget that he loves you. How much he loves you. You will lever understand how much he loves. Believe in your Heart that God loves you. Not just your mind. If you feel like, maybe you don't believe in your heart, then ask God to help you and just tell him how you feel. Example; "God, I don't believe I believe in my heart that you love me. Father I just pray that you would give me a revelation of your love for me." Something like that. I know, I have done it. He will come through, he  always does. Because he is good. And he is big.

I might have been talking about Gods love a lot. God is love. His main focus is love. But it certainly isn't ALL that he is. I just want to make sure people don't think that all I'm learning about is his love. It's a lot of it but not all. Also, I believe it's not good for us to obsess over one fact about God. If we do, it might turn into wrong mind sets. We can miss things God is doing and saying because we only see him as one thing. We can't do it all. We must focus on God and read and truly take in what his words say and mean, and have a relationship with him deeply. Not through only studying his words, but truly spending our time thinking of him, his heart, what he has done, thanking him, giving him praise, and coming to him always. I feel like, I sometimes complicate things a lot, With God. I make it seem so hard. I have to do this, ok I have to think this, Uhg I can't do that now, I have to spend time with him, oh no, I didn't read the bible today or yesterday, I feel like crap now God, I'm so sorry. But, truly, the relationship with him is the same with anyone. Sometimes, it's ok to just talk to him about anything.